For those who are new to the program, my first marriage was an utter disaster. I mean screaming, shouting, throwing things disaster…and that was just his way of saying “hi honey, I’m home!” It is a horrific part of my life that I appreciate not having to still be a part of since the day I took a stand, changed the locks, and filed for a divorce. With the crummy marriage came a lackluster excitement for the wedding. No one wanted to see us get married and in retrospect I totally understand what they all saw happening. However, it means that the first time around I didn’t experience any of the things that people traditionally look forward to. There were no engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorette parties or shopping with my mother for a dress, and overall it was a miserable experience on the actual wedding day. I spent most of the day alone as no one was in support of what was going on that day anyhow.
Things have change in my life and I’m happy that it made a 180 degree turn. I am so very lucky to have a man that treats me like gold ask me to be his wife. Ironic enough he was one of the people who was against my first marriage. I think it was a purely selfish reason on his behalf, but I think it is obvious that I should have listened to his warning no matter what his reason was for saying it. Everything has been so different this time and it’s exciting to experience what I had always heard my girlfriends going through after they got engaged. My family is actually happy and looking forward to being in attendance this time and I’ve gotten a second chance to do everything right this time. I’m considering my first wedding the horrible dress rehearsal that prepares me for the perfect opening night. The understudy has been fired and the leading man is finally in his rightful spot.
If you ever planned a wedding by yourself then you know just how stressful it is. I planned my first wedding down to the very last detail and wanted to run away to a secluded hiding spot because of it. The stress is enough to drive any bride insane, but doing it while working full time and going through a master’s degree program is just asking to be committed to an insane asylum. I managed to survive the event, but didn’t enjoy it in the least. I’m not sure I’m up for the stress of planning a wedding all over again, but I do know that no matter what we choose at least I know I have finally chosen the right man and he won’t leave me to do all the planning alone this time.
I have the best maid of honor a girl could ever ask for and she’s assured me that this time will be different. Plus I promised not to put her in an ugly dress so that she can’t turn around and do the same to me one day. As the fiancé and I start our discussions about dates, venues, and guests I am trying not to let myself have flashbacks to my miserable dress rehearsal of the past. Due to his surgery we aren’t in much of a rush at the moment. I have asked for only a few things and the most important one to me requires both of his feet being in working order again. With us both being performers, there is no way that this even this event is happening without a little flair added in that represents us and how we originally met. Many years have gone by since the photo above, as I was still in high school at the time, but we’ll always remain performers at heart.