Alexis Senge JohnsonWhen will we hit a point in society where men are viewed as equal? I know several of you just choked on your precious sip of coffee reading that statement but stick with me here. If someone walks into a house and sees a pile of clean clothes in the middle of the dining room table, toys scattered everywhere, dishes piling up in the sink and two kids screaming at each other the first thought in their head isn’t, “gee, why hasn’t HE done something about all of this” because 9 times out of 10 (and I’m being generous) they are wondering why mom can’t keep up with it all. Think about that for a second.
We are in 2019, in a world where most households consist of two working parents, and yet when everything at home isn’t picture perfect it’s still a reflection on the female of the household. We work an equal number of hours to men and often not for equal pay, but mindsets in society still haven’t adapted to the idea that both partners in a household are equally responsible at the end of the day. I have friends who will contest that they rather be the one in charge of all the cleaning because their husband doesn’t keep things clean enough to meet their standards. Thinking of that I can’t help but wonder if it’s because they don’t want an outsider to see sub-par cleaning done by their husband or if their standards of cleanliness are really closer to “institutional” than functional.
Even in my own house I’ve looked at a water glass and deemed it not clean enough to give to a guest and picked a different one purely because I didn’t want to be judged. I never once thought that guest would think my husband had washed the dishes in a rush and it resulted in a glass that was less than squeaky clean. I immediately picked a different glass so they didn’t judge MY ability in keeping up the house. That brings me back to my original question. When will we hit a point in society where men are seen as equal?
Does he live there? Does he eat and drink off the plates and cups too? Does he dirty clothes? Does he recognize that our boys need to be well behaved, fed and groomed? Heck yes he does! Then why do others not realize that entitles him to be equally responsible? If women are to be equals in the workforce then I’d like it to be pointed out that men should be equals in the home too. I’ll take it one step further and point out that includes tending to children as well.
If my husband goes food shopping with both kids then the women in the store fawn over his incredible sweetness and praise him for being brave enough to take on the challenge. If I roll into the grocery store with both kids in tow and even one steps out of line then all eyes are on me from the others wondering why I can’t control my children. While the absurdity of that situation eats away at me weekly, let’s boil it down to simple facts. Don’t we both eat the food and aren’t we both considered accountable for providing food for our children? Yes. Then why don’t we both get high fived for taking on food shopping with two boys under four years old because it’s about time things change.
I know my husband defied societal norms when he offered to take a step back from his career to stay home more than me with our youngest so I didn’t have to sacrifice my career. What I didn’t expect was returning to the workforce and having people ask me why I felt comfortable letting him do that. I reminded everyone that they are his kids too and that I had just participated in a 9 month long take your child to work experience daily, but I shouldn’t even have to justify that ridiculous line of questioning with answers. Afterall, if men have the power to decide what I legally can and cannot do with my body then they are more than qualified to clean up the house, go food shopping, do some laundry and wipe their own child’s rear. Maybe next we’ll even return the favor and decide for them what they legally can and cannot do with their body. It’s about fairness and equality for all, right?
