Alexis Senge JohnsonAdmitting you need to make a change is hard. Admitting that the blame is only on you is even harder. As I go through this journey of discovering who I am nowadays I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that letting myself disappear was purely my fault. The ownness to change things rests on my shoulders too. While change can be hard, it can also be very necessary.
Returning to blogging has been a very welcome creative outlet again. Originally this started as a way for me to get things off my chest while going through a lot, but it slowly morphed into a way for me to help others that I learned were experiencing the same things. It’s like being a shower singer and then having your neighbor comment on loving your rendition of “Before He Cheats.” It caught me by surprise the first time someone commented on how a post had helped them or, funny enough, stopped them from exhibiting an unflattering trait as a leader. I love all of you that take the time to read and sometimes even comment! You are what inspire me to keep blogging through this journey of life.
Making the time to sit down and write again was the start. It was a way to take something negative and turn it into a positive. A way to let my brain be free and once again help me figure things out in life because it’s cheaper and more fun than going to a therapist daily. I have no shame in putting myself out there in hopes that it helps me and maybe even someone else. In doing so, I’ve realized it’s time for me to put my foot down and show myself some tough love.
How did I let myself disappear and fade into the background of every scene in life? I felt compelled, due to what those had done for me, to return the favor and play second fiddle for others. I stopped speaking up until everything came to a boiling point and I, unfortunately, let the frustration take over. I used to be full of creativity, happiness and life but then came along Fibromyalgia, a husband, multiple jobs and kids that all required me to do more. The more I did to serve others the less I did to stay true to myself.
Now I do realize that I should never have settled for less than I know that I’m capable of giving, doing, and being but I haven’t been living my life that way. I’ve been overextending myself by giving and doing far too much and it has left me with nothing for myself in the end. That’s going to change. It’s time that I start saying “no” to others sometimes so that I can say “yes” to myself more often. Time that I stop feeling guilty about needing time to care for myself or even just treating myself with something that makes me happy. The first step was admitting there was a problem, then accepting that the fault for that was only my own and now it’s time to shift my mindset and stand up for what I need once again. What will you do for yourself on your journey today?
