Alexis Senge JohnsonDivorce used to be one of those subjects that was considered taboo to discuss but, with the growing popularity of us all knowing someone or being the one that’s experienced it ourselves, it’s become significantly more acceptable to talk about. However, people aren’t focusing on the meat of the subject when they do talk about it. I feel like the media focuses on the scandal that led to it, you overhear people at brunch next to you sharing the gossip about someone’s divorce, and even coworkers are quick to spin the experience into a short blurb about having been done wrong by their partner.
Can we all agree to stop sensationalizing divorces? At the end of the day, divorce is the dissolution of more than just a marriage. It’s the end of a bond, a deep level of trust and years spent together that might even include kids. I am the child of divorced parents and someone who then, unfortunately, went on to experience divorce first hand. If one more person tells me that the divorce is only between the parents and excludes the kids then I might just start removing my earing and preparing to spar.
Divorce affects everyone! One more time for those in the back. DIVORCE AFFECTS EVERYONE. Now, obviously, everyone attached to the situation is affected differently but it most certainly affects everyone so lets stop talking about the juicy details and start asking if/how we can help the situation. I’m not talking about getting in the middle of the divorce itself, but I am talking about helping watch kids while parents are with lawyers or in court. Can you help them find and move into a new place or even provide a safe space for them until they figure out their next move? Can you get them out for a night with others where they can have fun and forget about everything if even for only a few moments?
I was fortunate enough to have experienced extended family that took us in and made our move seem more tolerable after my parents got divorced. My mom and I went from living alone to living with my grandparents and two uncles at first. In retrospect, I think the whole family stepped up to try to make the change of states and situation seem normal for my third grade self. Despite their best efforts, the one thing they couldn’t control in my life was my relationship with my dad and how that would affect my own decisions later in life.
Being the first of my friends to get married, I was also the first to experience divorce first hand. When everything seemed to crumble before my eyes, I had a friends who extended hands and unknowingly provided me with the hope to stand by my decision. I owe them my sanity and its one of many reasons they mean the world to me. It’s time we all be willing to focus on that side of a divorce and help to restore the spirit of our friends.
If they have kids, the little ones will certainly struggle with the new reality they were forced into and our friends will face that challenge each and every day. While we can’t help that tike through the relationship changes they will have with the other parent, we can at least support the parent that has to pick up the pieces each day and keep smiling through it all. Be willing to help in anyway they will let you so they can breathe easy for a bit every now and then. Do what you’d wish they would do for you if the divorce was yours to experience firsthand. Be the one that would “hide the body,” just not in the literal sense as that lands you in jail.
