Alexis Senge JohnsonBeing a wife and mother can be an extremely rewarding experience, but it can also lead to losing ourselves in a world of tending to everyone else’s needs. Have you ever looked in the mirror and realized you didn’t know who you were anymore? I’ll break the ice…I have.
I balance one volunteer position, one full time-job that requires a lot of my time, and one seasonal role that I work several times a month. When I’m not working, I’m trying my hardest to make each day as comfortable and fun as I can for the boys, my husband and our parents. In order to keep up with all of that it means I must make concessions and that’s where I realized I lost myself.
I haven’t danced or performed in any way, except around the house to make the kids laugh, since getting pregnant with our second who is now one and a half. When I changed jobs, I left the familiar world of entertainment that my heart has been a part of for almost three decades. I have struggled to find the time to work out unless I give up more sleep and get up at 5 AM to exercise at home briefly before the kids wake up.
It wasn’t until lately that I made time to see my best friend, but it took a wake-up call from her to dedicate to doing that. I almost never go out anymore, because there’s always someone else that needs me if I’m not at work, and I certainly don’t make time to see anyone other than my best friend and family. Until I started writing again, I realized I had given up the things that made me “me.”
Before having the boys, I remember hearing gals talk about this idea of losing themselves and not realizing what they were talking about. Not only do I understand it now, but I was just slapped in the face with a reality check. I lost myself in my family and with it went all my outlets and therefore the things that fueled my passion in life.
I went from the dancer/runner/blogger/live event production stage manager/friend down for fun to the executive working mom and wife. It’s been a harsh reality to face, but even less forgiving has been the process of trying to figure out how I change things. Something has to give and I don’t even know how one goes about picking themselves over those they care for when the life changes run so deep.
It didn’t happen overnight, but to be honest I’m not even sure when the wheels fell off this train. There are obviously parts of me that have grown up, changed and had to adapt to this new life but now how does one go about striking a balance so they can find themselves again? The struggle is real but, one thing’s for sure, it’s time to buckle down and figure out who I am at this new point in life.
I’m sure there are more of you out there that are just like me, so let’s band together and go through this rediscovery together. Maybe you’re fresh out of college, just had a baby, are going through a divorce or even moving to a new job. The one thing that we all have in common is change and figuring out how a major life event will impact who we want to be in life.
We each have a journey in front of us and it always helps to have others along for the ride. Today I commit to making the time to do something for myself, even if it likely ends up just folding and putting away my own laundry for a change. How about you?
That calculator pic of little Alexis just happens to be my lock screen photo right now. LOL. Apparently, digging deep to re-find ourselves is now a thing!
I think you’re the one that sent it to me in he last few months.
Love this Alexis. I am going trough the hard work of finding myself again. Such a difficult journey in the wilderness of day to day primary role of being a mother to four very active children, the chores that undeniably accompany them, and a hard working husband that is rarely home. I used to wrongly think making time for myself was selfish, now I understand that just like the oxygen mask at airplanes, we caregivers need to make sure we are thriving before we try to help others. The logistics of time to ourselves can often make it not feel worth it, but just like physical or financial fitness, it takes commitment and hard work. Thank you for writing this and the vulnerability it takes to admit that we can’t do it all.
Thanks Maria! I know several people all going through various stages of this and I wanted to at least break the ice so we can support one another. There’s strength in numbers and it’s always good to know you’re not only in great company but also not alone.