Alexis Senge JohnsonHave you ever respected someone from afar based on what you’ve been told or have seen on the surface? Maybe it’s a celebrity that you’ve been following for years and are sure you must know their true self by now. It could be a company CEO you’ve watched work their magic to grow a company to further success. Possibly it’s an athlete or musician that you admire for their commitment and hard work.
Did you admire the drive, passion or dedication that person had for their work or the company they led? Let’s just imagine you respected them because of what you’ve learned about them so far in life and then one fateful day you get to see them in person and realize it’s all a lie. I had exactly that soul crushing experience last year.
The façade was stripped away within a matter of moments and I realized I spent almost fifteen years respecting nothing more than smoke and mirrors. I was sold a persona of respect, dignity, and the strength to do the right thing only to find out that couldn’t be further from how the individual conducts themselves. It was a crushing moment that left me feeling as if I’d just taken a swift kick to the gut.
How did this person ascend to such a high level with what appears to be not one ounce of a soul? Why do others wish to remain in their presence? How could I, an intelligent and strong-willed woman, fall for the fairytale I had been spoon fed for all these years? More importantly, why hasn’t anyone corrected the horrendous behavior this person has?
It’s taken me a while but I finally have an answer to some of the questions above. Three out of the four questions above all have one common answer…FEAR. The fear that speaking up will cause a detrimental action to be taken against the criticizer. To be honest, even while typing this I know that I’m at risk for the potential consequences of speaking my feelings as I’ve seen someone else disappear for likely doing the same.
Roughly a year ago, in the infancy of the #metoo movement, I respected this person’s statement of how critical it is for leaders to create environments for people to safely speak up. I’ve always felt very strongly about that subject and I immediately was touched that it was a valued opinion by another. I was moved by their words about the need to protect those in the workforce. However, that respect is now gone after hearing those kind words replaced by cold-blooded, chauvinistic, and groan-worthy racial “jokes” that made my skin crawl.
How do you find value in your ability to be the change when those at the top of the ladder clearly don’t believe a change is needed?
“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”
– Mahatma Gandhi
After lots of soul searching, I decided that my goal isn’t to change others as I cannot control the path they chose to pave for themselves. I can only control my thoughts and my actions, so part of that means it’s time to look deeper into those that I wholeheartedly give my respect to. While in life I’ve felt that diversity has been the key to opening my eyes to a world of differences, I believe that in leadership it’s best for me to save my respect for those with the same values.
If you don’t lead with respect for others, empower equality at every level, and treat humans with the basic dignity of empathy then you’re not one to garner my attention anymore. While I’ll probably never forget that fateful moment, I now know I need to dig deeper before looking up to those in power as sometimes what you see is no more than a well rehearsed performance. I don’t respect a performance. My respect is earned from genuine actions. How about yours?
