My fiancé knows that there were others I was involved with prior to him. He did watch from the sidelines as my marriage crumbled. Naturally, he was involved with others prior to me as well. He’s been incredibly understanding in the fact that I am still in contact with some of them. However, the fact that I’m still in contact with some of them can sometimes be a double edged sword. In at least one case it means that I still have a very close friend in my life that I talk to regularly because we both realized we were better off as friends instead of dating each other. In another case it means that once in a while I receive a message from someone that makes my head spin because it is so ridiculous.
I bring this to light as a bit of the message inspired my last blog post, this one and probably the next few to come down the pipe. Since the relationship I’m currently in is a happy and healthy one, I’ve almost forgotten what it is like to deal with someone who purposely spews hurtful words in an attempt at some form of vengeance. This is a prime example of why I have distanced myself from social media a bit in the last month. Facebook makes it really easy to stay in contact with people, but when you utilize it from your phone it also has a handy dandy way of keeping all of your old correspondences with individuals until you get to a computer to delete them.
A recent message stream I had with someone I was involved with in the past has really reminded me of the ugly side of spewing vengeful words in an attempt to be right. Granted the person is by no means right factually in this instance, but I think putting it in print makes it easier for them to believe in their own mind. Scrolling up through our conversations reminded me I’ve clearly stated everything they felt the need to state as false in my eyes and yet they continued to send me a message telling me what I thought.
Oh yes, I know what you’re thinking. How could this person send me a message in which they told ME what is on MY mind without being a mind reader? Well, I’ll tell you this, he isn’t a mind reader by trade and clearly it shows in his blatant lack of correctly reading my mind. I can say that because I do have a thorough understanding of my own thoughts and am also intelligent enough to realize the message he wrote was more for his own need.
Even in the workplace I see this happen all the time. People will fire off a nasty email because they needed to get something off their chest in response to others and they will take out their vengeance via hurtful words which then in turn makes people see their ugly side. I’ve learned that writing that message can be very therapeutic in getting an immediate frustration off my chest. However, I’ve also learned that the best practice is to not send the message at the moment I wrote it. I save it and let it marinate, so that later when I am in a more rational mood I can edit it and send out something that is much more humane. Just realize when you get those messages that the person on the other side isn’t aware that they are showing their ugly side in pursuit of vengeance and what’s been put in black and white might not hold up to what you know deep down in your heart.
